Right Now....

Wow I really can’t believe I have decided to do this. I am not usually one who likes to write my feelings and emotions down and share them with the world, but one of my best friends told me it would be good for me to do so I thought I would try it out for a little bit and see if I am any good at it. I don’t know how I could be bad at writing what I am feeling or dealing with in my life because I am the only one that truly knows. (I do right?) I tend to ask my self that questions a lot. I am generally a very happy person, I enjoy doing crazy and strange things with the people that I love, but lately I am not sure what I enjoy doing. Some days are better than others but for the most part I just feel so weird, strange, out of place….I find myself thinking about things that I shouldn’t, arguing with my husband about nothing, yelling at the kids for no apparent reason, being WAY lazy, stressing out over the “small” things, and just not being my normal self. I don’t know when this all started I guess I just starting noticing it all at once and questioning my self.
There used to be a lot of people I felt comfortable talking to and now for some reason I only find one person that I want to talk to. The thing is see I only just met this person a month ago when I was working at the Puyallup fair. We started talking and realized we have so much in common; we can just talk for hours about nothing and be perfectly happy. Now don’t get me wrong I still WANT to talk to all of my friends so I guess that was the wrong word to put up there but it’s a different WANT that is hard for me to explain, I almost feel guilty because I have been talking to him so much that I feel like I talk to him more than my own husband. I feel like he appreciates my conversation more than my husband does and maybe that’s the reason I find myself talking to him so much.
At any rate I feel like a tornado has hit my life, not really my life out side of myself because everyone else is perfectly happy and doesn’t seem to have anything bothering them what so ever, so I guess it’s just me, myself that is kind of a wreck right now. I don’t know what to do or how to fix it but I am working on it. I want things to get better and I want to be my old self again. I am hoping that over time everything will iron out and go back to normal, but until then I just hope that everyone can bear with me.
I know that life isn’t supposed to be easy and tests are thrown in the road everyday that we have to get over; the tests can be small hills or big mountains. For me I think I am walking up a big one but you know what I am sure the top is close and I will soon be able to start my journey down. I want to tell everyone that has and always will stand by me that I love you all. You all mean so much to me and I am so sorry for the things that I may say or do that are out of the norm. If any one is wondering what you can do to help, I really don’t know just sit and wait I guess. Ill get there soon……